


Read For Me

by baby2steph



Category: GOT7, JJ Project
Genre: Drama & Romance, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, JJP as readers, M/M, Past Relationship(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-28
Updated: 2018-01-28
Packaged: 2019-03-10 14:54:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,004
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13503867
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/baby2steph/pseuds/baby2steph
Summary: Ex-boyfriends, actor Park Jinyoung and actor Im Jaebum, meet again after five years when they sign a contract to film a romance movie together as a couple.





	Read For Me

**Author's Note:**

> For readers—  
> The whole of my story,  
> The whole of my heart.

* * *

 

"No!"

 

Mark frowned at the fuming actor. "You’ve already signed the contract, Park Jinyoung."

 

"But that's because you didn't tell me about my co-actor! You just said that it was a good movie!" Jinyoung exclaimed frantically.

 

"It is," Mark replied calmly. But then he winched, feeling the upcoming headache. "Stop whining and be professional. You can't cancel your contract."

 

"But, hyung," he whined. He looked like he was on the verge of crying. "I can't be on the same set with....him."

 

Mark sighed. He walked toward Jinyoung, sitting next to him on the couch. 

 

"Jinyoungie, this will be a good chance for your career. And a good start after your three years hiatus," he said, patting his back gently.  He was quiet for a while before carefully continued. "It's been five years, Jinyoungie."

 

But that was the problem. It's been five years but Jinyoung still couldn't say his name without feeling guilty. It's been years and Jinyoung still could feel something inside him twicted in an unpleasant way, bringing back the memories from the past.

He felt his stomach drop, knowing perfectly that Mark was right. He already sighed the contract and it would evoke a scandal if he cancel it all of sudden. Jinyoung had a reputation to keep. Beside, like Mark had said, he was a professional actor. He had been working hard to reach his current position and he was determined not to ruin everything that had Mark planned for him. He would find a way to deal with his personal problems later.

 

Jinyoung let out a long sigh. "Fine. You win."

 

Mark sighed in relief.

 

"Good. Thank you, Jinyoungie."

 

"How long it takes to film this movie?"

 

"Six months."

 

Jinyoung groaned, thinking what should he do to survive for the next six months.

 

* * *

 

Jinyoung had recieved the script a month before the filming began. The movie called Read For Me. It was about two lovers who met on a humid August when they were still high schoolers. They were classmates and had the same hobby: reading. Right before the high school ended, they started to dating. The main characters, Minjun and Jisung, lived in a small apartement together. They managed to survive through college by working part time. Minjun had a job as a freelance photograper while Jisung working as a freelance copy writer. They got married right after they graduated from college. Life was hard but they were happy.

Until one day Jisung started to forget small things. At first they didn't notice it. But one morning Jisung woke up and asked Minjun where the bathroom was. Minjun was stunned and that was when he realized something was wrong with his husband. They made an appointment with the doctor couple days later and Minjun world crumbled down when the doctor said that Jisung had an alzheimer.

Jisung had always been the pilar on their relationship. It was him who always comfort Minjun when he was having hard times. He had always been the strong one between them. But when he heard the news, he broke down into tears and started to blame everything. He didn't want to talk for days but Minjun was always there with him, silently comforting him. One night Jisung asked Minjun to read for him every night before he went to sleep.

Minjun started to read for Jisung every night for 365 days until Jisung couldn't regocnize him anymore. Every morning Minjun had to remind Jisung that they were married. Some days Jisung would scream and threw things at him but Minjun never gave up on him. Some days when Jisung were sleeping, Minjun would silently enter his room—they couldn’t sleep on the same room anymore—and sat on the floor next to his bed. He would open his journals and started to read.

Personally, Jinyoung really liked the story. He loved the characters. The story was dramatic and quite emotional. The ending was vague but when Jinyoung read the script, he knew he should take the role because it evoked something inside him—something familiar, something that felt so close to him.

But that was before he knew who his co-actor was. When Jinyoung decided to take Jisung role, he didn’t know that Jaebum would be Minjun. He never expected that he would meet his ex-boyfriend again.

That night after Mark told him about Jaebum, he couldn’t sleep. His head was pounding and his memories with Jaebum flooded his mind, filling his head brutally.

When Mark came the next morning to pick him up for the first script reading, he winched when he saw dark circles under Jinyoung’s eyes.

 

“You didn’t sleep last night,” he deadpanned. “You look like shit.”

 

“Shut up,” he snapped at his manager, softly massaging his temple. “Just drive Mark.”

 

“Your grumpy ass needs coffee.”

 

“Yes, please.”

 

As Mark slowly driving away, Jinyoung rested his head on the window. He closed his eyes, preparing his heart to meet Im Jaebum—the one who once used to be his everything.

 

* * *

 

The scriptwriter, director, producer, and all staffs were already in the room. The first script reading would begin in minutes. Jinyoung tried to concentrate on his script but he couldn’t stop fidgeting on his seat. Jaebum was sitting right in front of him, doing the same. It’s been five years since the last time Jinyoung saw him.

When he first saw him walked on the room, neither one of them moved as they faced each other. He hadn't said anything and for a second Jinyoung thought he didn't recognize him. But then Jaebum gave him a knowledge smile and Jinyoung’s heart instantly stopped.

As he glanced at him, he noticed how little he'd changed since he had last seen him. Jaebum looked good, he thought. With his shirt tucked loosely into ripped jeans, he could see the same broad shoulders he remembered, tapering down to narrow hips and a flat stomach. His skin was fairer than he remembered. But above all, he looked just the same.

What didn’t change was Jinyoung reaction when he saw Jaebum’s face. It was still the same like many years ago when they were still together: his heart skipped a bit whenever he looked at his deep eyes.

 

“Are you okay, Jinyoungie?”

 

Jinyoung jumped a little when Mark whispered on his ear. He blinked, didn’t realized that he had been kneading his sleeves. He gave Mark a small nod.

 

“Yes, hyung.”

 

“Are you sure?”

 

Jinyoung turned to Mark. “I need to be professional, remember?”

 

Mark sighed and didn’t press him any further. However, when he turned around again, he didn’t expect Jaebum to look at his direction. His breath hitched when Jaebum’s eyes looking straight at his, strong and unwavering. Jinyoung’s knees buckled and his hands were clammy. He pinched his skin, trying to avert his gaze away but he couldn’t. It was Jaebum who broke their eye contact first. But Jinyoung still couldn’t stop looking at him, his heart beating frantically against his rib.

That day the director asked Jinyoung and Jaebum to act some scenes from the movie. Both of them did very well, earning compliments from the director. Jinyoung could only smile. They didn’t have to know how hard it was maintaining his professionalism, especially when he had to talk to Jaebum while looking at his eyes.

That day went smoothly. Jinyoung was glad when the director called it a day. He hurriedly pulled Mark to get out of the room, leaving no room for him and Jaebum to interact more. By the time he was inside the car, he was short of breath.

 

Mark looked at him disapprovingly. “You can’t avoid him forever.”

 

“I wasn’t planning to either.”

 

“Jinyoungie—“

 

“Hyung,” Jinyoung interrupted, he sounded like was he was in pain. “Can we go home please?”

 

Mark sighed. “Okay.”  

 

* * *

 

The next morning before the filming began, Jinyoung didn’t get a chance to prepare himself when suddenly Jaebum showed up right in front of him. Jinyoung stumbled back, his eyes widen. He sucked in a fast breath like someone had punched him in the gut.

 

“Jae-what—“

 

“Jinyoung,” he said somewhat desperately. Jinyoung’s knees buckled when he heard the way his name rolled off his tongue again after years. His voice was rough and deeper.

 

“Can we talk?” he continued, looking at him expectantly like he was afraid Jinyoung would say no. But, really, Jinyoung never learnt how to say no to him even when they were still dating. He found himself nodded woodenly.

Jaebum sighed in relief. He turned around, silently beckoning Jinyoung to follow him. Jinyoung knew what Jaebum would say to him. He knew it so he didn’t look surprised at all when Jaebum led him to the dressing room where no one was around.

Jeabum stopped in the middle of the room and turned around. His voice was surprisingly soft when he spoke.

 

“I will get straight to the point,” he said. “Jinyoung, I know what happened between us many years ago wasn’t exactly… _pleasing_. But now that we have to work together, I suppose we have the same purpose?”

 

Jinyoung lifted an eyebrow at him. “You think I’m not professional enough?”

 

“You know that’s not what I meant, Jinyoung.”

 

His eyes softened and he sent a small smile at him, the kind of smile that Jinyoung had come to love so much many years ago, a simple smile that could turn his world into upside down. Jinyoung was quick to avert his eyes from him and unconsciously clenched his fist. He hated him. He hated how even after all these years Jaebum still have so much control over him. He knew what he meant. He knew Jaebum didn’t mean to say something bad. He knew that Jaebum just wanted a confirmation.

He took a deep breath and looked at him ever so slowly. Jaebum was silently waiting for him.

 

“Okay,” he said. “Let’s keep this professional.”

 

Jinyoung didn’t wait for Jaebum to answer him. He walked out from the room without looking back, just like what he did five years ago.

 

* * *

 

The first scene they had to film was when Minjun confessed his feeling to Jisung. They were standing in front of Jisung’s apartment building, still wearing their school uniform. It was the last day of high school, right after they graduation. Jaebum stood in front of him, slightly taller.

 

 _“Jisung-ah,”_ he started and slowly reached for his hands, holding it gently. _“I need to tell you something.”_

 

Jinyoung looked at Jaebum with his wide eyes that sparkled under the dim light of the street lights. He looked beautiful that for a moment Jaebum couldn’t speak. But then he cleared his throat. His voice was tender when he spoke.  

 

_“Jisung-ah, I like you.”_

 

Jinyoung’s breath hitched, he tried to get the right feeling but suddenly memories from their past came into his mind and Jinyoung shuddered. He swallowed slowly. Jinyoung was determined to do this right without NGs.

 

Jinyoung blinked at him and smiled shyly. _“I like you too, Minjunie.”_

 

Jinyoung could feel his heart shuddered when Jaebum slowly pulled him into his chest, hugging him tightly. He could feel Jaebum’s lips on his hair when he spoke.

 

_“Thank you, Jisung-ah.”_

 

Jinyoung slowly wrapped his hands around Jaebum’s waist. He closed his eyes, secretly listening to his heartbeat.

 

“And… CUT!”

 

The director’s voice startled Jinyoung. He opened his eyes and quickly pulled himself away from Jaebum. He didn’t dare to look at him. He could feel his face flushed. It was… weird. It was weird to be in Jaebum’s arms again because he felt exactly the same: warm and safe.

The filming went smoothly that day. They only filmed three scenes before the director called it a day. After they filmed the last scene for that day, Jinyoung glanced at Jaebum and nodded at him as if to say that you had worked hard before he walked away from the set, giving his back to him.

It felt like Jaebum was still staring at the back of his head right after he got into his car.

 

* * *

 

When they continue the filming next week, it was for the first kissing scene. Jinyoung wasn’t new for kissing scenes but it was different because he had to be kissed by Jaebum. Im Jaebum, his ex-boyfriend. But Jinyoung was a good actor and he would never let his feeling ruined everything. He successfully maintained his straight expression but still secretly avoiding Jaebum.

He took a deep breath and read over the script for one more time before he head to the filming spot where Jaebum was waiting for him already. As the director called, “Action!” they got into the position just right on the script. The first kiss scene happened on the kitchen. Jisung was cooking while Minjun hugging him from behind.

 

 _“Minjunie, go away~”_ he whined when Jaebum nuzzled his face in Jinyoung’s neck, breathing in his scent. _“I’m trying to cook, you know.”_

 

_“Do it, then.”_

 

Jinyoung groaned. _“But you are distracting me!”_

 

Jaebum laughed, his voice deep and melodious.

 

 _“I’m sorry, baby,”_ he said but refused to let his boyfriend go. _“But I’m comfortable now.”_

_“Ugh, whatever.”_

 

Jinyoung turned off the stove. When he moved, Jaebum automatically moved with him. When he wanted to walk to the fridge, Jaebum suddenly stopped him. Jinyoung shrieked when Jaebum lifted him off the ground effortlessly and settled him on the table.

Jaebum gently put his hands on Jinyoung’s knees, spreading his legs slowly and settled himself between them. He caged Jinyoung’s body with his strong arms.

 

 _“What are you doing, Minjun-ssi?”_ he asked playfully as he slowly brought his hands to Jaebum’s neck, gripping it gently.

 

_“What do you think am I going to do, Jisung-ssi?”_

 

Jaebum nudged his nose against his without breaking their eye contact. Jinyoung laughed when he could feel Jaebum’s chin bumped into his lightly, scrapping his skin.

 

_“What’s so funny?”_

 

_“You haven’t shaved yet. It scrapes my face.”_

 

Jaebum laughed softly. _“Sorry.”_

 

When Jaebum tried to pull his face, Jinyoung stopped him by gripping his shoulder. He brought his hands to his face, stroking his chin gently.

 

 _“It’s okay,”_ he said and smiled brightly. _“I don’t mind. I like it, actually.”_

 

_“Really?”_

_“Yes.”_

_“So, can I kiss you now?”_

 

Jinyoung laughed without covering his mouth. His eyes crinkled in the most beautiful way, shining brightly. He looked so beautiful it knocked Jaebum breathless.

 

 _“Can we kiss?”_ he asked again.

 

Jinyoung smiled at him. _“Yes.”_

 

The kiss was soft and gentle. Jaebum had both of his arms around Jinyoung’s waist while Jinyoung had his around his neck. Halfway through the kiss, Jaebum playfully opened one of his eyes, peeking through his lashes. Jinyoung caught him and he couldn’t hold back the laughter that spilled from his mouth, breaking their kiss. Jaebum laughed with him, wide and contagious.

 

“CUT!”

 

Jinyoung’s laughter died in his throat. He blinked his eyes and found Jaebum didn’t move at all. They surprisingly pulled the act very well but deep down, they knew it was more than act. What they just did looked natural because they used to be like that. It was easy, having to act like a happy couple because they used to be like that.  

 

“It was good.” Jaebum said softly. He stepped back from between Jinyoung’s legs and gave him a small smile before walked away.

Jinyoung didn’t say anything but his heart ached as Jaebum’s shoulder slowly fading away from his vision.

 

* * *

 

 

The filming went well for the next few weeks. Jinyoung and Jaebum didn’t really talk outside the filming, which was good for Jinyoung because he wanted to keep everything professional between them. Today they would film in a hospital. They would finally film scenes where the doctor said that Jisung had an Alzheimer.

As they sat in front of the doctor, the camera was ready in capturing everything. The director started the scene and Jinyoung grabbed onto his emotion. He looked at the doctor with teary eyes. He could feel Jaebum’s hands slowly reached for his under the table, squeezing it gently as a support.

 

“ _I'm so sorry to have to tell you this,_ ” the doctor began, “ _but you seem to be in the early stages of Alzheimer's…”_

 

 _“Doctor… how—“_ he couldn’t continue his sentence. Jinyoung chocked on a loud sob and Jaebum was fast to pull him into his embrace.

 

“ _I’m so sorry, Jisung-ssi._ ” She said but her voice sounded so far in Jinyoung’s ears.

 

He didn’t really remember how he ended up sitting in the waiting chair outside the doctor’s room with Jaebum in front of him, kneeling on one knee. People who passed by were looking at him sympathetically but Jinyoung didn’t care. He still couldn’t control the tears that running down his cheeks.

He looked at Jaebum through his blurry eyes. When he imagined that there would come the time when he would forget him, his heart ached painfully.

 

 _“Ssh, baby,”_ Jaebum took his face in his hands, wiping his tears gently. _“It’s okay. You have me, Jisung-ah. You’ll be okay. We’re going to be okay.”_

 

Jinyoung shook his head.

 

 _“N-no!”_ he hiccupped. _“Minjunie, I don’t want to forget you.”_

 

Jaebum tried to swallow the lump on his throat but he couldn’t force it down. He couldn’t reply him and that made Jinyoung cried harder as the realization finally hit them.

 

 _“I don’t want to forget you,”_ Jinyoung said in between his tears. He cupped Jaebum’s face and shook his head as if it was all just a dream. _“I don’t want to forget you. Minjun, what should I do when I can’t remember you? When I can’t remember us? I—“_

 

Jaebum pulled Jinyoung into his arms, hugging him tightly. For a long moment they didn’t say anything, crying together in each other’s arms. Jinyoung clutched Jaebum’s neck tightly, sobbing loudly and he kept mumbling the same thing over and over again. He wailed but Jaebum still didn’t say anything.

Jinyoung slowly pulled back and rested his forehead against his.

 

 _“Why, Minjun? Why it happened to me?”_ he whispered. _“How could I forget you? I love you. I love you so much. I don’t want to forget you.”_

 

Jaebum pulled away slightly. He kissed Jinyoung’s trembled lips as he softly whisper. _“Baby, if you can’t remember me, I’ll always be there to remind you.”_

 

The director yelled ‘CUT!’ right after Jaebum pulled his lips from Jinyoung’s. Both Jaebum and Jinyoung remained on their position. It was emotional and had mentally drained them. Jinyoung was having a hard time to stop his crying. He didn’t even realize that Jaebum was still knelt in front of him. He jumped a little when Jaebum put both of his hands on his knees, squeezing it gently.

 

“Jinyoung-ah, are you okay?”

 

Jinyoung blinked the tears away from his eyes. He nodded.

 

“Yes,” he said. “I’m just… being emotional, I guess.”

 

Jaebum flashed him a genuine smile.

 

“It’s okay. It happens sometimes,” he said. Jaebum was hesitant before he finally continued. “Jinyoung-ah, do you want to grab a coffee with me?”

 

Jinyoung stared at him for a long moment before he finally nodded.

 

“Okay.”

 

Jaebum’s smile was blinding when he heard that. He nodded a little bit enthusiastically.

 

“Okay.”

 

* * *

 

They decided to go to hospital canteen because they still had to film another scene after this. Jaebum had insisted that he would pay for their coffee. Jinyoung wasn’t really in a good mood to argue with him so he just nodded. He sat down on the chair, waiting for Jaebum to come. Few minutes later Jaebum came with two cups of hot chocolates.

Jinyoung looked at his cup with furrowed eyebrows.

 

“I thought you wanted to drink coffee?”

 

Jaebum smiled sheepishly. “I know. But then I remembered that your feeling was still emotional after we filmed the last scene. It will help to make you feel a little bit better.”

 

Jinyoung knew that Jaebum didn’t say the entire truth. For a moment he only looked at him without saying anything. Jaebum remembered it. He remembered that Jinyoung would always drink hot chocolate when he was sad because it never failed to make him felt a little bit better.

 

“Thank you,” he finally muttered softly.  

 

They didn’t say anything for a while. Jinyoung was still quiet, sipping his hot chocolate slowly. Jaebum, on the other hand, wanted to start a conversation but he didn’t know how to do it. He swallowed loudly before finally had the courage to speak.

 

“Jinyoung-ah,” he started and successfully drew Jinyoung’s attention to him. “Are you doing well? It’s been…awhile.”

 

Jinyoung gripped his cup tightly. He didn't say anything in return. Suddenly he felt quilty about meeting him again this way and now it seemed harder to Jinyoung to control his heart. He had thought that he would know what to say when Jaebum eventually initiated a normal conversation with him. But he didn't. He caught himself fighting for contol. He hadn't expected this to happen, didn't want it to happen. Yet.

 

"Jinyoung-ah, are you okay?" he asked worriedly.

 

Jinyoung took a deep breath. "Yes. I'm... doing well. How about you?"

 

"I'm good. You look different, Jinyoung-ah."

 

Jinyoung swallowed.

 

"You too," he stammered.

 

Jaebum laughed and something inside Jinyoung tingled.

 

"I talked to Mark few days ago. I didn't know that he's married to Jackson now." Jaebum said softly and then he threw his eyes at the windows. Jinyoung could tell that his mind was wandering.

He didn't sound accusing but Jinyoung knew that he was hurt. Jinyoung felt like he wanted to puke. It was his fault. Everything was his fault. Jaebum didn't know that Mark was married because Jinyoung begged Mark not to tell him. He begged his best friend not to invite Jaebum on his wedding day because he was selfish. It was also his fault why they were like this. It was Jinyoung who ruined their relationship first. Everything was his fault.

Jinyoung could feel his eyes stung. He sucked in a fast breath, trying to control his breathing. Jaebum wasn't supposed to talk to him like this. He wasn't supposed to say his name like it was the most natural thing in the world. He wasn't supposed to buy him hot chocolate for that he knew that it would make him feel better. Jaebum was supposed to hate him. Jaebum should yell at him or slap him or anything.

Why was he so kind? Why he didn’t blame Jinyoung for what had happened to them? His eyes brimmed with tears and his voice broke when he spoke.

 

"Why, Jaebum?" he choked on a sob. "Why you didn't blame me for what had happened? Why are you talking to me like nothing happened?"

 

"Jinyoung..." he started slowly, his eyes softened. “It wasn’t entirely your fault. I was wrong too.”

 

Jinyoung shook his head frantically, refusing to accept his kind words. Jaebum has always been kind. He has always been forgiving but he shouldn’t this time. Because what Jinyoung did to him was cruel. He was selfish and he’d hurt him badly.

 

“Jinyoung—“

 

"We should really go now." he interruped when Jaebum's hands trying to reach for his. And then he stood without a word, leaving him behind.

 

* * *

 

It was mid July 2009 when Jinyoung met Jaebum for the first time. It was the first day in college and yes it was love at first sign—as cheesy and as dramatic as it sounded. Jaebum's major was Film meanwhile Jinyoung's was Performance. They got close because they were part of theater club. They clicked almost immediately. It was Jaebum who made a first move. They dated for almost a year before Jaebum bravely asked Jinyoung to move in with him.

Things were okay at first. They were madly in love and incredibly happy. People thought they were the real realization of soul mates—they were different but somehow, in a way that even they couldn't understand, they completed each other.

Jaebum and Jinyoung liked to talk about their dreams at nights when they were wrapped in each other's arms, limps tangling messily. Jinyoung would talk about his dream to become an actor. He always wanted to act. Jaebum liked to act but his passion was film and photography. Sometimes when Jinyoung wanted to practice his acting, Jaebum's camera was always ready to capture every moment. Long before Jinyoung became a successful actor, Jaebum was his sole audience. He acted for him, only for him.

Jaebum loved to take pictures of Jinyoung’s body. Not only his face, but also his long eyelashes, his big ears, his crinkled eyes, his mouth, his toes. But most of all, Jaebum loved to take pictures of Jinyoung’s silhouette and his side profile. Their apartment’s walls were full of Jinyoung’s pictures. It was a little bit creepy, but Jinyoung loved it.

Once Jaebum took a picture of them, both naked after long and passionate making love, and hung it in the living room. The picture was a little bit blurred and it wasn’t a full body picture. Jinyoung would always blush when he saw it. But it was beautiful. It conveyed a lot of emotions: their love, passions, and dreams.

They were fine. Their relationship was going strong within each days that passed by. But things started to went wrong after Jinyoung received his first role in a web drama. At first, Jaebum was happy. He knew that it was what Jinyoung always wanted. But his boyfriend was greedy. He wanted to achieve more. He wasn’t satisfied.

They fought sometimes like normal couples. But one night, that eventful night, Jinyoung received a call from an agency from Japan. Turned out this agency was a very well-known company and had debuted many actors and singers. They wanted Jinyoung to join their company because they were impressed with his acting. Jinyoung saw this as a very great opportunity for his future. He quickly signed the contract without thinking it twice. He was too happy and forgot to tell Jaebum. By the time he received a plan ticket from the agency, he just remembered that there was a problem.

The problem was, Jinyoung had to trainee there for at least a year. And he didn’t tell Jaebum yet he was ready to fly there with a ticket in his hand. Jinyoung thought that Jaebum would completely understand. He knew that this was Jinyoung’s dream. Jinyoung just didn’t expect him to get mad when he told him everything.

 

“What the fuck, Jinyoung,” he cursed loudly. His face was red with anger. Jinyoung stumbled back. He clearly didn’t expect his outburst.

 

“Why you didn’t tell me first? You should discuss it with me before you signed the contract, god damn it. What were you thinking, Jinyoung?”

 

“But you know it is my dream!” he couldn’t help but yell.

 

They were standing face to face in the middle of the living room. Jaebum looked at his boyfriend with a look of betrayal and Jinyoung felt like someone just stabbed him with a dull knife. Jaebum never looked at him like that and now Jinyoung felt like shit.

 

“Jaebum,” he started slowly. “It’s only a year. We can maintain long distance relationship, right?”

 

Jaebum shook his head. He sat on the couch, breathless.

 

“It’s not that,” he said. His voice was rough. “Jinyoung, don’t you trust me?”

 

Jinyoung was quick to kneel in front of Jaebum. He took Jaebum’s face in his hands, forcing him to look at him.

 

“Jaebumie,” he said. “It’s not like that. You know that I trust you more than anyone.”

 

Jaebum was quiet for a very long moment. Jinyoung looked at him, waiting anxiously. But what he heard next was something he never expected before.

 

“Jinyoung, I don’t think I can do this.”

 

Jinyoung was taken aback by his answer. His eyes started to water.

 

“Jaebum,” he pleaded. “Don’t do this to me. Don’t make me choose.”

 

Jaebum shook his head.

 

“I’m not going to make you choose, Jinyoungie. I’m letting you go.” 

 

Jaebum couldn’t think straight. His heart ached. He just couldn’t comprehend the whole situation. For the first time since they knew each other, Jaebum didn’t want to see his face. Not now.

He got up from his seat, dragging his feet to their shared room. Jaebum locked the room and slumped on the wall. He buried his face on his hands, crying silent.

It was the last he saw Jinyoung’s face. That night, Jinyoung walked away from his life.

 

* * *

 

There was a tension between both actors and this time people around them noticed it. But they didn’t say anything because Jaebum and Jinyoung still managed to pull their act good. As long as they didn’t show it during the filming, then it was fine.

Today they would film a scene where Minjun would read for Jisung for the first time. Jinyoung sat on the chair, reading his lines. When the director called his name, he walked in the set and settled himself on the bed. Jaebum was there already, waiting for him. They hadn’t spoken to each other since yesterday and Jinyoung felt bad for ruining their relationship again.

 

“And… ACTION!”

                                    

Jaebum sighed and pushed back his hair. He shuffled the pages with his thumbs gently. Essays In Love was the first book Minjun had shared with Jisung back then when they were still in high school. It was a very good book.

Jaebum looked up at Jinyoung. His husband was lying comfortably on the bed, his body facing him. The moonlight that was breaking through their windows was setting behind him. He looked beautiful. Even after all these years he still managed to knock the breath out of Jaebum's lungs.

 

 _"You ready?"_ Jaebum whispered. Jinyoung nodded.

 

Jaebum turned his chair toward the bed. He put his reading glasses on and started to read.

 

" _The longing for a destiny is nowhere stronger than in our romantic life. All too often, forced to share a bed with those who cannot fathom our soul, can we not be excused for believing (contrary to all the rules of our enlightened age) that we are fated one day to run into the man or woman of our dream?_ "

 

Jaebum had never read out loud this much before. He was confident in singing but not reading. But he sort of forgot after a while that he was reading out loud and the circumstances that got him there. When Jaebum glanced up between paragraphs, Jinyoung had both of his eyes closed. He looked so soft, so peaceful, and Jaebum wondered how could such angel like him had to go through some cruel fate like this?

 

 _"Why are you stop?"_ Jinyoung asked without opening his eyes. Jaebum cleared his throat and continued to read.

 

" _One mid-morning in early December_ _, with no thought of love or stories, I was sitting in the economy section of a British Airway jet making its way from Paris to London_ _...._ "

 

Jaebum keep reading, pages after pages, and after an hour or so had passed, he dropped his hands and the book into his lap. The only light in their room was from the desk lamp. Jinyoung was asleep soundly.

Jaebum bookmarked the book and placed it on the desk. He got up from the seat and carefully laid next to Jinyoung. He pulled his husband to his chest, kissing his forehead and hugging him tightly.

It was quiet for a long moment until Jinyoung's tender voice broke the night.

 

_"Minjun?"_

 

_"Yes, baby?"_

 

_"I love you. Please remember that."_

 

Minjun's lips brush softly against his hair when he spoke.

 

 _"I love you_ _too_ _. Always."_ he whispered.

 

"And...CUT!"

 

The director's voice that was booming on the set startled both Jaebum and Jinyoung. They quickly let go of each other. Jinyoung felt his chest shuddered because it felt so real. It felt so much like their old days. It reminded Jinyoung when he was still together with Jaebum. They would spend their nights in each other’s arms, whispering sweet nothing to each other. Jinyoung mentally slapped himself, trying to get a grip of himself.

He tried to breath but then he froze when he found Jaebum was staring at him. There was something in his eyes but Jinyoung couldn't dechiper his emotions. This time it was him who broke their eye contact. He walked out from the set, running straight to the bathroom with a flushed face.

No, he thought inwardly. He couldn’t fall in love with him again. Jinyoung knew he couldn’t but his heart had betrayed him the moment he saw Jaebum again months ago.

 

* * *

 

“What? Mark hyung, are you insane?!”

 

Mark closed his eyes when Jinyoung yelled right in front of his face. He opened them again and pinched his nose. 

 

“I was panic when Jackson’s mother called me. I did what I think was right at the moment. I’m sorry, okay?”

 

“And what you meant by doing the right thing was asking Jaebum to drive me home,” he deadpanned.

 

“Yes.”

 

“Hyung, I can go home by myself, for god’s sake. I’m not twelve or something.”

 

“Well, I need someone to make sure you go home straight because you might spend your night at club again.”

 

Jinyoung groaned. “I will not!”

 

“Last time you said that I ended up picking you up at 4 in the morning. Completely wasted.”

 

Jinyoung’s cheeks flushed. But still he couldn’t forgive Mark for making a hasty decision like that. How could he ask Jaebum to drive him home? What should he do? It’s been weeks and they never on the same space after what had happened on the hospital canteen. Jinyoung couldn’t accept this.

 

“I will take taxi.”

 

“Jinyoungie, please,” Mark pleaded. “He is the only person I trust. He is my friend too, you know.”

 

Jinyoung swallowed. He was right. Jaebum was also Mark’s friend. In fact, they used to be best buddies. It was Mark who encouraged Jaebum to confess his feeling to Jinyoung many years ago.

 

“Jinyoungie, I don’t have enough time. I need to go to hospital. Jackson needs me.”

 

Jinyoung sighed and nodded. “Okay.”

 

Mark flashed him a grateful smile. “Thanks, Jinyoungie.”

 

Mark hugged him briefly before walked out of the dressing room. Jinyoung slumped on his chair. He would be fine, right? There were only a few days left before the filming would end. After this, Jinyoung would never see Jaebum again. It wouldn’t hurt to be in the same space with Jaebum. He would be just fine. Jinyoung tried to reassure himself but failed miserably.

 

* * *

 

After the filming had ended, Jaebum approached Jinyoung. He stood in front of him, looking somewhat nervous. Jinyoung bit his lips. Why did it feel so much like when Jaebum took him home for the first time years ago when they were still in college?

 

"Uh, I guess Mark already told you, right?"

 

Jinyoung nodded. "Yes. Wait here. I just need to grab my coat."

 

"Okay."

 

Jinyoung was back in less than five minutes. They walked next to each other to Jaebum's car. Many staffs that bumped into them looked surprised. They thought that Jaebum and Jinyoung weren’t close. They seemed like they couldn't match each other's personalities because they barely talked when they were on the set.

But now they were leaving together. Jinyoung lowered his head when he heard some of them whispering something behind his back. Jaebum seemed to notice it too because he fasten his walks.

When they finally seated in Jaebum's car, Jinyoung let out a sigh of relief. Jaebum started the engine wordlessly and slowly driving away. He played the radio as the atmosphere started to tense and awkward. But then some hard rock song was blaring loudly inside the car, making Jinyoung jumped from his seat. Jaebum hissed and quickly changed the channel.

 

"Sorry," he said, still trying to find another channel.

 

I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For was heard and then Jaebum stopped. The melody was soft at the beginning but then he realized that U2 was Jinyoung's favorite band. He was about to change the channel again but Jinyoung stopped him.

 

"It's okay. Don't change it."

 

Jaebum glanced at him briefly.

 

"Okay."

 

"You still remember it?"

 

"What?" he asked confusedly.

 

"It’s my favorite song. That's why you wanted to change it, right? You don’t want to make me uncomfortable."

 

Jaebum rubbed the back of his neck and smiled sheepishly.

 

"Yes."

 

Bono's voice was blaring softly inside the car and Jinyoung unconsciously humming the lyrics.

 

"But I still haven't found what I'm looking for..."

 

They accidentally sung the same part. At first Jaebum thought that Jinyoung would react badly to that but then he turned to Jaebum and slowly began to smile. It was the kind of smiled that he hadn't seen for years. It was still beautiful. He still looked beautiful even after all these years.

 

"And this is your favorite." Jinyoung said when Black Radio was heard. Jaebum chuckled.

 

"Right. You still remember it, then."

 

Jinyoung chuckled softly.  

 

"Your preferences were always wild and dark. But I have to admit that this is a good song."

 

Jaebum smiled broadly. "I know, right?"

 

Jaebum started to sing the chorus with Jinyoung's soft laughter as the background. It was easy. Jinyoung thought they would be awkward but he had forgotten that it never hard when he was with Jaebum. Somehow he had a way to make Jinyoung relax even without really trying.

They didn't say anything for a while, silently enjoying the song. When Perfect by Ed Sheeran was blaring softly, it somehow calmed the atmosphere. They fell into a comfortable silent. Jinyoung rested his head on the window, looking at the street outside. He hummed softly, perfectly reciting the lyrics.

 

"You’re still good in English."

 

Jinyoung glanced at him. "Me?"

 

"I loved it when you were singing in English. Your pronunciation was clear. It sounded really great."

 

Jinyoung could feel a blush decorated his face. He coughed softly.

 

"I am not that good."

 

"Jinyoung," he said slowly. "I know this is so sudden but I'm glad you're finally come back again."

 

"You knew I was on hiatus?"

 

Jaebum nodded. "Of course. Your news was everywhere."

 

"Oh."

 

Jinyoung wasn't disappointed. No, he wasn't. But why did he sound like it? It wasn't like Jaebum would look for him anyway. Who was he? They were practically strangers now.

 

"Hey, do you remember people used to say that our tombstones would be next to each other?"

 

Jinyoung laughed. "Yes. We were soul mates, you know."

 

"Yes, we were." he replied.

 

Jinyoung felt something twitched inside him, something deep and old. He still couldn't believe this sometimes: being here, seeing him. Yet the feeling went on and for a brief moment he felt seventeen again. Felt as he hadn't in years. Jinyoung blinked, trying to compose himself. He had to control his heart. He told himself not to let this get out of hand because he didn't want it to get any harder.

 

"We're here."

 

Jaebum's voice brought him back to the present. He turned his head to the window and realized that they were indeed already outside of Jinyoung's apartment building.

 

"Thank you, Jaebum." He said, looking at him warily.

 

"Anytime."

 

Jinyoung opened the door, ready to get out. But then he turned around and took a deep breath. He didn't think twice when he finally spoke.

 

"Do you want to come inside?"

 

* * *

 

After he invited Jaebum to come inside, he stumbled toward the kitchen. His mind was hazy but his hands managed to find a cup on the cupboard. He didn't mean to make Jaebum's favorite drink but the next he knew, he was walking to the living with a cup of hot cappuccino. He found Jaebum sitting on the couch, looking so comfortable while scrolling down his phone. Jinyoung put the cup in front of him and decided to sit next to him.

 

Jaebum looked at the cup filled with streamy liquid and then turned to Jinyoung.

 

"It's my favorite." He stated the fact.

 

Jinyoung bit his lips. He lowered his head, avoiding Jaebum's gaze.

 

"Sorry. It was just... a habit. I guess."

 

"Thank you."

 

Jinyoung didn't say anything in return. He was playing with his sleeve, thinking what should he do now. He started to regret his desicion. He shouldn't have invited Jaebum. How stupid. Now he couldn't even speak.

 

"Jinyoung-ah?"

 

"Y-yes?"

 

Jinyoung lifted his head up and immediately met with Jaebum's strong gaze. His body trembled slightly. He couldn't deny the fact that Jaebum still has some effects on him.

 

"Do you still read?"

 

Jinyoung's body relaxed at the mention of books. He smiled a little. "Yes."

 

"Do you remember back then when we were still in college you used to hate reading?"

 

"Yes, I remember," he said gently. "You made me love to read."

 

Jaebum smiled. "You always look so deep in your own world every time you are reading."

 

"Believe me, I still am."

 

"Where's your bookshelf?"

 

Jinyoung looked stunned by the question.

 

"My bookshelf?”  

 

Jaebum shrughed his shoulder casually and Jinyoung hated the way his hair fell softly against his forehead. It made Jinyoung wanted to run his fingers on his soft hair, feeling it slid between the space of his fingers.

 

"This way."

 

Jinyoung got up from his seat but he didn't turn around to see if Jaebum following him or not because he could hear his footsteps. He led him to his reading room. Jinyoung had built a small library after he moved in here, a place where his mind could wandering freely without having to care about anything outside his small bubble of happiness. He stopped in front of his door before he pushed it open. He stepped in first, letting Jaebum entered.

 

"Wow," Jaebum muttered softly. "It smells nice."

 

"It is."

 

Jinyoung let Jaebum had his own moment, walking to the stacks in his small library and dragging his fingers across the spines, it looked like he could feel the presence of sleeping spirits there. Jinyoung shuddered slightly. He realized that Jaebum didn't change at all. He always taking a long moment every time he was surrounded by books.

 

"I see you still arrange your books by alphabets."

 

Jinyoung coughed softly. "Well, I like keeping them well-orgazined."

 

Jaebum turned to him with a smug look on his face.

 

"That's exactly what you said years ago when we used to share a bookshelf."

 

Jinyoung's nose crinkled when he remembered that.

 

"Your books were messy, you know. It was always everywhere. On top of the washing machine, under the bed, on the floor, and once you left your book on the sink!"

 

"It wasn't my fault that I am forgetful, okay?" he pouted. Jinyoung laughed, soft and melodious.

 

"Still didn't change the fact just how messy you are."

 

“You’re the worst.”

 

Jaebum turned to the bookshelf again. He crouched down, scanning the lower shelf.

 

“Looks like you still have some old books here.” he said and then pulling out an old book with a wornout cover. “This was like the very first book I gave to you.”

 

Jaebum had The Big Picture of Douglas Kennedy in his hand, waving it slightly to him. Jinyoung remembered one day Jaebum came to him and suggested him to read a book. At first, Jinyoung was reluctant. He preferred comics over books. But Jaebum didn't push him. He just said that it would be great if Jinyoung read the book. So, he did. He was somehow so concentrated when he read the book that he drew out the world inside the book in his head. That's how he came to find books interesting. Jaebum influnced him and after that day, the largest part of his liking books was from Jaebum.

 

"We used to talk about it after school."

 

"Up to where have you read? Then if you read a little bit more there’ll be this aggravating part." Jinyoung recalled his past memories. "You used to spoil the story like that."

 

"That didn't count as a spoiler!"

 

Jinyoung snorted but a smile bloomed in his face. Jaebum continued to scan his books. Back then they would talk about the books each of them had read from time to time. They always had different opinions even when they were talking about the same part of the story. Sometimes Jaebum would think this way, but Jinyoung would think the other way around. But they had so much fun arguing about the plots. Come to think about it now, Jinyoung thought those days were truly one of the best moments in his life. How he and Jaebum had come to understand each other more through small arguments like that.

Jinyoung walked to him and took a book right above Jaebum's head.

 

"Do you remember when you cried while reading this?"

 

Jaebum looked up to see Jinyoung holding The Moment by Douglas Kennedy. His cheecks reddened. 

 

“I wasn't crying!” he tried to deny. “I was just shed some...tears.”

 

Jinyoung raised one of his eye brows playfully. Jaebum grunted.

 

"It was a very good book, okay?" he muttered. “And it's tragic.”

 

"At first you just wanted to relieve your stress through reading. But then you’re actually enjoying reading. When you are reading, you wanted to feel the story inside the books and its emotions. You used to say that if you put yourself in the shoes of some character, you’d feel the same emotions that character feels just through reading."

 

When there wasn't any response from Jaebum, Jinyoung looked down to find Jaebum staring at him. He looked at him with a frown.

 

"What?"

 

Jaebum shook his head and smiled. "Nothing. You become chatty when it comes to books."

 

“Don’t I always?” he said softly but regretted it the next moment because it didn’t come out right. Jinyoung cleared his throat and put the book back on the shelf.

 

It was awkward for a moment but then he heard Jaebum chuckled.

 

“Remember this?”

 

Jaebum was holding Kafka on the Shore as he getting up to face Jinyoung. They stood only inches apart but Jinyoung couldn’t even bring himself to think just how close they are right now. His eyes focused on the book instead. He took it from Jaebum’s hands gently.

It brought so many memories. It was the only book that they had felt emotionally connected. It used to be their favorite. Their preferences were different. Jaebum likes to read self-improvement books more than novels. Jinyoung was slightly different. He didn’t nitpick about the book’s genre. His preferences were large and more open. But Kafka on the Shore was a story they were enjoying together.

Jinyoung opened the first few pages and they laughed together when they found a lot of paragraphs were underlined with bright pen markers.

 

“The way you read books is still the same.” he commented softly. Jinyoung gave him a small smile, his mind wandering around.

 

The thing about them was they had different personalities and didn’t match one another when it comes to favorite music or books. But they had some things in common. For example, they had the same way to read books. When they read books and if somehow they read an influential line paragraph, they would read it while underlining it. Sometimes they also took a little note and wrote about their feeling after reading a book.

 

“Jinyoung-ah,” Jaebum called after a long moment of silence. “Would you please read for me?”

 

* * *

 

Jinyoung didn't really remember how they ended up like that.

It was really late and Jinyoung didn’t know what’s gotten into him when he nodded, accepting Jaebum’s request. There was only a small bed in the room and that meant they had to sit there. Jinyoung purposely put a bed on the room because sometimes he would fall asleep while reading his book and he was too lazy to come back to his own room. Now he regretted his decision. He should have just put a couch or something. The bed made everything looked more intimate and Jinyoung could feel his face flushed.

Jaebum was already there, waiting for Jinyoung. He seemed comfortable with his back against the wall. Jinyoung could feel his gaze on his back and he quickly took a book from the shelf. He slowly walked toward Jaebum and climbed on the bed. They were sitting shoulder to shoulder.

 

“Me Before You?”

 

Jinyoung smiled sheepishly. “Yes. Do you want to read something else?”

 

“No,” he said softly, staring at Jinyoung’s eyes tenderly. “It’s fine.”

 

Jinyoung cleared his throat. It was different. They weren’t on the set. It wasn’t Minjun and Jisung. It was Jaebum and Jinyoung, just the two of them. It felt so much more intimate because right now, Jinyoung would read for Jaebum only. No one could hear them but him. And this would be the first time Jinyoung read for someone, out loud.  

 

“Ready?” he whispered.

 

Jaebum held his eyes for a few seconds. Then he nodded and sighed.

 

" _When he emerges from the bathroom she is awake, propped up against the pillows and flicking through the travel brochures that were beside his bed._ _She is wearing one of his T-shirts, and her long hair is tousled in a way that prompts reflexive thoughts of the previous night…_ "

 

Jinyoung had never read out loud. And when they were on the set, it was Jaebum who read for him. But it felt refreshing. He wondered why they didn’t do this back then when they were together because it was actually nice.

The room was quiet and the only thing that could be heard was Jinyoung’s tender voice, reading for Jaebum. He looked so immersed on his book that he didn’t realize how Jaebum was staring at him with a gleam in his eyes, admiring Jinyoung silently. 

Jinyoung continued reading. But after another fifty pages, he was getting sleepy. At some point, Jaebum had leaned against him, and then he'd leaned back, and it was hard to think about what was happening on that side of his body because he was busy reading. But his brain wasn't keeping track of anything but how warm Jaebum was. How warm his ex-boyfriend was.

Jinyoung tried to convience himself that it wasn't wrong. Leaning against him because he was warm was not wrong. They were friends now. There was nothing wrong with leaning against your friend, right?

 

"You're tired," Jaebum said when Jinyoung yawned. "Let's stop."

 

"We're not stopping now," he replied. "We're already in the middle of the story."

 

"We've still got a hundred pages—“

 

"Are you getting bored?"

 

"No, but—“

 

"Good. Then just listen to me." He interrupted him.

 

Jinyoung was about to read again when suddenly Jaebum pulled his waist and settled his body in between his legs. He gasped loudly, didn't expect Jaebum to do this.

 

"Jaebum..."

 

"Let's just... do this. Okay?"

 

Jinyoung could feel his heart beating erratically against his rib but he nodded.

 

"Okay." he whispered.

 

Jinyoung's voice was rough when he started to read again. At some point Jaebum had put his left arm around him and pulled his back against his chest—he had been fidgeting and Jaebum just reached behind him and pulled Jinyoung into him. Then his hand had fallen back down to the bed and stayed there. Expect for when he stretched or moved. When he moved, Jaebum would bring his hand up to Jinyoung's shoulder to hold him against him while he adjusted. Jinyoung could feel his chest rising when he breathed. He could feel his breath on his hair sometimes, and his ears. When Jaebum moved his chin, it bumped into the back of his head.

Jinyoung couldn't concentrate at all. Not when he could feel every inch of Jaebum's body against him. He lost his place in the book and stopped reading for a moment.

Jaebum's chin bumped into his head again when he spoke.

 

"Take a break," he said in voice that wasn't a whisper but was just as soft.

 

Jinyoung nodded. He tried not to squirm but his back was stiff and he couldn't help but arched it against him.

 

"You okay?" Jaebum.

 

Jinyoung nodded. He was actually embarrassed because when he moved his back, he could feel Jaebum's broad chest pressed on his back.

Jaebum slid down the wall on the bed, resting on his side, then tugged Jinyoung down so he was lying on his back in front of him with Jaebum's arm beneath his head like a pillow. They were face to face. Jinyoung relaxed his shoulders and felt warm sweater against the back of his neck.

 

"Better?" Jaebum asked. He was looking at his face. But Jinyoung didn't speak. Or nod. Or answer. Instead he looked down and shifted slightly toward him onto his side, leaning the book against his chest.

 

" _I didn't give him any choice. I sat down carefully on Will's lap, draped my arms around his neck to hold myself in place. He looked into my eyes for a minute, as if working out whether he could refuse me. Then, astonishingly, Will wheeled us out on the dance floor and began moving in small circles under the sparkling lights of the mirror balls._ "

 

Jinyoung started reading again and felt Jaebum's elbow curve around his shoulder. He didn't have to read very loud when they were this close, which was good because Jinyoung's voice was almost gone. Jaebum was warm, and up close, he smelled so much like their old days when things were hard and rough but they still could find a small happiness by being in each other's arms. Jinyoung could smell their memories: their laugh, their tears, their fights. He smelled like home and it made him tear up.

Jinyoung took a deep breath, his voice broke a little more and Jaebum tightened his grip around him. He wondered what would happen to them when they got to the end of the story. Now Jinyoung wondered what would happened if they didn't let go of each other's hands many years ago.

 

"Jinyoung-ah..."

 

Jinyoung didn't realize that he was crying until Jaebum's fingers were on his cheek, wiping his tears gently. He closed the book and let it fall on the space between them. Jaebum took it and placed it behind his back. And then, he pulled Jinyoung into him with both arms. His chest pressed against his. Jinyoung was on top of Jaebum and before he could stop himself, he cried harder.

Jinyoung was crying so hard until he couldn't breathe. Jaebum didn't say anything, gently stroking his back. Jinyoung clutched his arms around his neck, holding him tightly. His mind was hazy when Jaebum nudged his nose against his forehead. Jinyoung lifted his head up and then their mouths fell sleepily together, already soft and open. Jinyoung's eyes were closed when Jaebum moved his lips against his, slowly testing his tears. Jinyoung could feel his heart stopped beating for a moment. He wanted to open his eyes. He wanted to get a better look at Jaebum's face but he was so tired. He brought his fingers up to Jaebum's hair and he couldn't open his eyes anymore.

Eventually, he couldn't stay awake and fell asleep with Jaebum's lips still on his.

 

* * *

 

 

When Jinyoung woke up, he felt Jaebum's sprawled out beneath him, the warm scrape of his chin against his forehead. He blinked his eyes and felt Jaebum's shifted slightly beneath him.

 

"What time is it?" he asked.

 

"3 in the morning."

 

Jinyoung groaned. "I'm sorry I fell asleep."

 

Jaebum stroked his back gently. "It's okay. You were tired."

 

"Where's the book?"

 

"No, Jinyoung—“

 

"Jaebum, where's the book?"

 

Jaebum sighed, knowing perfectly that he couldn't stop him. He took the book on the desk and gave it back to him. Jaebum changed his position into sitting on the bed, his hack against the wall. But then his breath hitched when Jinyoung crawled onto his lap, settling himself on Jaebum's hip.

 

"I... I want to see your face."

 

Jaebum's chest rose steeply as Jinyoung shifted to get a comfortable position. He nodded and slowly set both hands on his waist, gripping it lightly.

 

"Okay." he whispered.

 

"Okay." he whispered back and started to read again.

 

_'But you're not even giving it a chance,' I whispered. My voice didn't seem to want to emerge from my chest. 'You're not giving me a chance.'_

_'It's not a matter of giving you a chance. I've watched you these six months becoming a whole different person, someone who is only just beginning to see her possibilities. You have no idea how happy that has made me. I don't want you to be tied to me, to my hospital appointments, to the restrictions on my life. I don't want you to miss out on all the things someone else could give you. And, selfishly, I don't want you to look at me one day and feel even the tiniest bit of regret or pity that—‘_

_'I would never think that!'_

 

Jinyoung stopped for a moment when Jaebum slowly drew his face closer to his. He unconsciously raised his hand when Jaebum brought his face on his neck, breathing the scent on his skin. Jinyoung wrapped both hands around Jaebum's neck, still holding the book, and then continued reading.

 

_'You don't know that, Clark. You have no idea how this would play out. You have no idea how you're going to feel even six months from now. And I don't want to look at you every day, to see you naked, to watch you wandering around the annexes in your crazy dresses and not...’_

 

Jinyoung's breath hitched when Jaebum trailed his lips below his ear, kissing it lightly. Everytime he took a breath, he could smell Jaebum's shampoo and it abruptly overwhelmed him. It smelled so good. He smelled so good.

 

"Keep reading, Jinyoungie," he said in a low voice.

 

Jinyoung bit his lip, trying to hold a whimper that threatened to spill from his mouth. He hadn't heard Jaebum called him like that for years and it sounded so good. His name sounded so good rolling off his tongue.

He took a deep breath, struggling to continue reading.

 

_'...not be able to do what I want with you. Oh, Clark...'_

 

Jaebum slowly moved his hands under Jinyoung's shirt, touching his bare skin lightly. This time Jinyoung couldn't hold a whimper that escaped from his lips.

 

"And what? What did he say next?"

 

Jinyoung inhaled loudly. _'..if you had any idea what I want to do to you right now. And I...’_

 

Jaebum pulled his face away from his neck. He closed his eyes and kissed him below his chin, behind his jaw, where he was soft and almost chubby, like a baby. And then he brought his lips to the corner of his mouth, kissing it softly.

 

“If you had any idea what I want to do to you right now, Jinyoungie…”

 

And Jinyoung couldn’t take it anymore. He dropped the book, it fell on the bed with a soft thud. He clutched Jaebum’s neck and pulled him forward. Their lips met ever so slowly. Without another word they came together, as if it were the most natural thing in the world. Jaebum put both hands inside his shirt, wrapping it around Jinyoung's waist. They held each other tightly, both of them letting the five years of separation dissolve in the deepening night.

Jinyoung sighed into the kiss. It was so much better when he was awake even though his mouth was muddy from reading out loud all night. But Jaebum didn't seem to care at all. He kissed him back almost immediately. Jinyoung's eyes brimmed with tears as they slowly pulled their face from each other. He laughed nervously as Jaebum gently wiping the corners of his eyes.

Up close, Jinyoung could finally see the changes he hadn't noticed at first. His face had lost the softness of youth. The faint lines around his eyes had deepened. He seemed less innocent, more cautious, and yet the way he was holding him made Jinyoung realize how much he'd missed him.

 

"I missed you," he whispered softly.

 

"I missed you too, Jinyoungie," he replied and kissed his eyes gently. "And I'm sorry. I'm sorry for what had happened to us. It was my fault."

 

Jinyoung shook his head. "No, I wasn't honest with you. I should have told you before I said yes."

 

Jaebum stroked Jinyoung's face softly, looking at him with amazement. Even after all these years, his feeling toward him never changed. It was still the same.

 

"But I shouldn't make you choose between me and your dreams. It was stupid. I was stupid."

 

"I was stupid, too," he said gently.

 

“Do you remember that one time when you lost on our first date at the amusement park?”

 

Jinyoung chuckled. “And you found me crying in front of the merry-go-around.”

 

“Right,” he said. “Do you remember what I said to you?”

 

Jinyoung thought for a while but he couldn’t really remember it.

 

“I said,” Jaebum said a moment later, looking straight in his eyes as he continued. “No matter where you went, no matter how far you drifted, no matter how long you were gone, I would come after you and bring you home.”

 

Jinyoung’s eyes started to water. Now he remembered that day. He was crouched in front of the merry-go-around, crying like a baby. He didn’t care when people staring at him weirdly. He called Jaebum’s name, hoping he would come after him. He didn’t bring his phone and now he got lost.

He remembered Jaebum ran after him a moment later, out of breath. He knelt in front of Jinyoung, took his wet face in his hands, and said the same words he just said to him. It was the most romantic thing anyone had ever spoken to him.

 

Tears filled his eyes. “Oh, Jaebumie,” he whispered.

 

Jinyoung couldn’t contain his happiness. His heart felt light, it was as if he’d finally come home.

 

“I will always find a way to come back to you,” he whispered and kissed Jinyoung’s lips once again. “Jinyoungie, please give us a second chance.”

 

Jinyoung didn’t answer him with words. Instead, he kissed him ever so slowly, so gently. No words needed. Everything would be fine from now on. They knew they would be fine after this.

That night, they didn’t do anything more than kissing. They lie together on Jinyoung’s bed, wrapping arms around each other, sharing stories, basking in unrestrained laughter.

Finally, they were home.

 

* * *

 

The next day, they came on the filming place together. They agreed to keep their relationship private for now. Jinyoung hadn’t told Mark yet but as soon his best friend saw them walking next to each other, he smiled widely but didn’t say anything. Jinyoung was grateful to have a best friend like Mark.

Today they would film the last scene of the movie. It was when Jisung had started to forget Minjun and his own name. Jisung was frustrated with his condition and started to throw things. When he finally calmed down, Minjun brought him to the bed. They lie together, face to face.

 

“And… ACTION!”

 

“ _Minjun_ ,” he said in a whisper. “ _What should we do now?_ ”

 

Tears started to fall again. This disease was like a thief of hearts and souls and memories. Jinyoung brought his trembled hands to Jaebum's face, stroking it gently.

 

“ _Why I have this disease, Minjun? Why?_ ”

 

 _"Everything will be fine,"_ he whispered, but inside he was also afraid.

 

_"You'll always be there to remind me, right?"_

 

 _"Right,"_ he said. _"Always."_

 

Jinyoung looked at him in the eyes, and for a moment Jaebum was afraid that he would forgot him again. But then his eyes twinkle. A slight smile formed on his lips.

 

" _Minjun_ ," he said softly, studying his face. " _I love you. I want to say it as much as I could before I started to forget again. I love you for many things, especially your passions. You are my best friend as well as my lover, and I do not know which side of you I enjoy the most. I know it's not easy but thank you for always be there for me. I will find a way to come back to you despite my disease, I promise you that._ "

 

Jinyoung stopped talking for a moment. He stared at Jaebum and realized that his gaze was different now. It was Jaebum who was staring at him, it wasn't Minjun. Suddenly, Jinyoung forgot everything around him. He forgot his lines. He forgot why he and Jaebum was here in the first place. Because right now, at this very moment, nothing else mattered but that he could stay with Jaebum.

He drew himself closer to him, wrapping his arms around his neck.

 

"I love you so deeply," he whispered softly, earning a loud gasp from people outside the set because it wasn't on the script. It was from Jinyoung, pouring his heart out for Jaebum. He could see Jaebum's eyes widen but then he smiled knowingly.

The room was suddenly quite. The director didn't cut the scene so Jinyoung continued.

 

"I love you so incredibly much. No matter what happens, know that I will always love you. I love you deeply, my love. You are, and always have been, my dream."

 

Jaebum closed the distance between them, kissing Jinyoung's lips gently. When he pulled back, his eyes shone brightly.

 

"I love you too," he whispered back. "And you know that no matter happens I will come after you and bring you home. I will always find my way to you.”

 

The director managed to cut the scene minutes later. People were looking at both actors, jaw dropping. After thanked all the staffs, Jaebum led Jinyoung to the dressing room—the nearest place they could reach at the moment.

At that moment, when Jaebum kissed his lips once again, Jinyoung's world, which had been upside down for so long now, seemed to settle into its proper position.

* * *

 

**Author's Note:**

> “No matter where I went, no matter how far I drifted, no matter how long I was gone, you would come after me and bring me home.” ― Melanie Gideon, Wife 22


End file.
